Lang’s World: A Special MUSCLEWATCH Christmas
Lang WhitakerYou better watch out, you better not cry! I’m making a list and checking it twice! Because it is time once again, for the annual rite that basketball Hall of Famer David Aldridge recently referred to as “a tradition like no other.” That’s right kids, it’s time for MUSCLEWATCH!
Except this year, the muscles are being delivered in December, in a sleigh by a big man wearing red—who incidentally would almost surely qualify for MUSCLEWATCH himself, thanks to the copious amounts of cookies and milk he downs each year around this time.
What, you may ask, is MUSCLEWATCH? The short answer is that MUSCLEWATCH is a phenomenon sweeping the NBA world. The long answer is that MUSCLEWATCH is something my friend Matt and I started about two decades ago, when we were unemployed and had nothing better to do than read every word of the sports section of the newspaper each day. We noticed that when training camps started for each sport, there inevitably seemed to be a player who arrived from the offseason break having added “15 pounds of muscle.” It was never five pounds, never 17 pounds, but always, hilariously, “15 pounds of muscle.”
Since then, MUSCLEWATCH has evolved, much like an actual muscle, into sort of a catch-all place to track changes in weights and heights all around the NBA. Reporters from all over the NBA have graciously done most of the work for us, dutifully asking players about their shapes when they report to training camp and tagging it with #MUSCLEWATCH. Somehow, this dumb thing my buddy and I invented in our old apartment has become a staple of the NBA, and I couldn’t be prouder.
This season, with training camps being mostly virtual, it’s been tougher to put these guys to the eye test. Also, having players report to training camp right after Thanksgiving may have upped weights by a pound here or there.
Let’s get to watching…
In a MUSCLEWATCH first, we have a mountain on the list! As a longtime MUSCLEWATCH friend of the program points out, Mt. Everest has a new official height…
Like an all rookie team member in a small market going into his 2nd year…. #musclewatch https://t.co/PU7BhdwmMI
— Bernard Lee (@BernieoLee) December 8, 2020
Somehow, over the last few decades, ol’ Everest has apparently grown about three feet taller. That just shows the true dedication to constant improvement that has always made Mt. Everest one of the best in the game. Congrats to Mt. Everest! Stay on your grind!
One of the most reported MUSCLEWATCH stories this preseason has been in Oakland San Francisco, where Andrew Wiggins showed up looking rather swole. Wiggins downplayed any significant change when speaking to the media, a classic MUSCLEWATCH manuever…
Wiggins said he put on "just a couple pounds of muscle." Said he feels faster and stronger and this is the best he's felt physically
— Marcus Thompson (@ThompsonScribe) December 3, 2020
Photographs don’t lie, though, and judging by the eye test, Wiggins does seem much more filled out…
Andrew Wiggins been in the weight roompic.twitter.com/MMy3HXDiLV
— NBA Central (@TheNBACentral) December 3, 2020
The internet being the glorious place that it is, a few Wiggins photoshops have emerged that perhaps exaggerate his size change just a bit…
#MuscleWatch https://t.co/BtcqjVAJ5E pic.twitter.com/rnpiGHErrb
— Ralph Mason (@Ralph_MasonJr) December 4, 2020
(Side note: It’s kinda crazy that Wiggins is still just 25 years old, right? It feels like he’s been in the NBA for a decade at this point.)
Another popular name in MUSCLEWATCH circles this preseason has been Shake Milton, the Philly guard who worked his way into the starting lineup down in the bubble. Oddly, we have competing reports from Sixers camp regarding Milton.
According to this Sixers reporter, Milton has added 12-13 pounds of muscle since last season…
Shake Milton says he's added about 12-13 pounds of weight during the offseason, and is up to ~217. #MuscleWatch
— Derek Bodner (@DerekBodnerNBA) December 2, 2020
Meanwhile, this reporter says Milton has added 13-14 pounds…
Shake Milton says he has gained about 13-14 pounds above his playing weight from last season (says he was at 204 or so during the year)
— Kyle Neubeck (@KyleNeubeck) December 2, 2020
We’re only a pound off, obviously, but I feel like it’s worth noting the disparity for the sake of MUSCLEWATCH accuracy.
Also, we definitely need to start calling him “Protein” Shake Milton, right?
Cleveland’s Darius Garland has reportedly added 20 pounds of muscle, which, if accurate, would make him a contender for MUSCLEWATCH winner this offseason. Is it accurate? Who knows!
Grind City Media’s own Devin Walker weighed in with an anecdotal observation about our own Ja Morant after the Grizzlies’ first preseason game…
There was 0 sleeve pulls from 12 last night.
The sleeve fits now
— Devin Walker (@Devin_Walker2) December 13, 2020
By sleeve pulls, Devin is referring to how last season Ja was so skinny that he was constantly having to pull up the compression sleeve on his arm. We know he’s been working out, but maybe all that Ramen is working and Ja has started to bulk up just a bit?
Keeping our focus here in Memphis, we have some MUSCLEWATCH news about Jaren Jackson Jr., which was brought to our attention by ace MUSCLEWATCH reporter Dillon Brooks…
Dillon Brooks says that Jaren Jackson Jr is "maybe 2-3 inches" taller. That would be something. He says he's also bigger and stronger, too.
— Peter Edmiston (@peteredmiston) December 3, 2020
Do we have any official confirmation on this? No. Do we need official confirmation to include news like this on MUSCLEWATCH? No, no we do not.
In similar news, Denver’s Bol Bol says he hasn’t checked when asked if there’s been any change in his MUSCLEWATCH status…
Bol Bol says he feels a lot stronger but that he hasn't been checking his weight and height when asked if he's gotten stronger and if he grew anymore during offseason. That's for you @langwhitaker
— Ohm Youngmisuk (@NotoriousOHM) December 9, 2020
He hasn’t been checking? These darn millennials are so entitled!
One last bit of Grizzlies MUSCLEWATCH news, this time involving two-way player Killian Tillie, who has added a lot of muscle since he was a kid, I think?
#Musclewatch@KillianTillie https://t.co/aTJ7YgFvQO
— Julien Debove (@JulienDebove) December 9, 2020
Actually, if Tillie was the same size now that he was when he was a kid, I don’t think he’d be in the NBA today. Observations like this are why I’m a MUSCLEWATCH expert, by the way.
I’ve had a few reports from up north that Raptors swingman OG Anunoby should make the list, mostly dispatches from the eye testers…
OG Anunoby is RIPPED
— 40 & Dunking? (@MidlifeVertical) December 13, 2020
HOWEVER! As veteran musclewatcher Eric Koreen reports, according to Anunoby, there’s no actual weight change…
OG: “I didn’t put on any weight.” #MuscleWatch
— (((Eric Koreen))) (@ekoreen) December 4, 2020
Perhaps OG shifted some things around, muscle weighing more than fat and whatnot? And as always, when the Raptors are involved, we also must factor in the Canadian MUSCLEWATCH exchange rate.
Another popular name on the MUSCLEWATCH nice list this season has been Minnesota’s Jarrett Culver, who actually confirmed that he belongs on MUSCLEWATCH.
Jarrett Culver, looking noticeably more “yolked” these days, confirms he has gained “10-15 pounds of muscle” from last season to this season.
JC stressed the importance of being stronger and how it will benefit him driving to the basket and playing defense.
— Canis Hoopus (@canishoopus) December 8, 2020
We also have video evidence of the “yolked” Culver, who is now so strong he can dribble two basketballs at once!
Ryan Saunders on Jarrett Culver:
"His body is noticeably different. He's definitely added strength, especially in the upper body. He knows this is a big year. There's a lot of competition at that wing position."
Here's a clip from practice yesterday. He is noticeably bigger. pic.twitter.com/6XlgVxvlor
— Dane Moore (@DaneMooreNBA) December 7, 2020
In what may be another first, we have some coaching MUSCLEWATCH news, as Atlanta Hawks coach Lloyd Pierce self-reported a change…
Lloyd Pierce said that he has lost five pounds during the offseason because he's not able to use the team's weightlifting facilities due to COVID restrictions. #musclewatch
— Kevin Chouinard (@KLChouinard) December 5, 2020
(Just for whatever it’s worth, I’ve never been one of those people who has to use a workout facility to GAIN weight. Must be nice!)
No, Cooking With Lang will not help your MUSCLEWATCH status…
how can #CookingWithLang help me drop 10-15 lbs? #MuscleWatch
— Hit the Glass (@HitTheGlass) December 1, 2020
Sacramento Kings rookie guard Tyrese Haliburton says he has gained 17 pounds of muscle since finishing his college season. Impressive!
This weird stock market website says Dallas rookie Tyrell Terry (shouts to Brevin Knight!) has gained twenty pounds of muscle and grown an inch since finishing his lone college season. Hey, if a stock market website is reporting MUSCLEWATCH news, I suppose we should listen. Sell high!
Wizards forward Rui Hachimura has added 10 pounds from where he was a year ago…
Rui Hachimura says he weighs 240 pounds, 10 pounds heavier than he was at this point last year. Getting stronger was one focus in offseason and he says he still feels he hasn't lost any quickness.
— Ohm Youngmisuk (@NotoriousOHM) December 9, 2020
Here’s some visual proof, although a reader passed it along to point out supposed growth from Wizards big man Mo Wagner…
Mo Wagner. Definitely. pic.twitter.com/VN1SitfOnv
— Stephen Powers (@DCStones1978) December 13, 2020
(By the way, I love this picture because of the poses. “OK guys, stand there and look natural.”)
In other growing news, looks like up in Boston, Jayson Tatum can’t stop won’t stop…
Brad Stevens says Jayson Tatum has grown to 6'10.
— BostonCelticsForever (@BostonCelts4eva) December 13, 2020
Finally, I don’t know much about Denver reserve Vlatko Cancar, but in this article he admits that while he has worked extremely hard in the weight room, he has not added 70 pounds of muscle.
Most importantly, Cancar says he’s taking a practical view this season in terms of playing time: “If I deserve to play a role, I will. If not, then I guess not.”
If only we could all be so well-adjusted.
Published on Dec 14, 2020
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